People Don’t Change Unless They Want To

People get in the habit of trying to change people even when they don’t realize it. Do you see yourself constantly asking:

1. Why can’t they give me straight answers

2. Why are they behaving this way?

3. When will they do what they said they would?

4. Why won’t they keep promises?

5. When will they call/text me back?

Or do you find yourself thinking:

1. They acted that way because they were going through a lot.

2. They said they would never do it again.

3. They always say sorry in the end.

4. They always end up calling/texting back even if its a few days/weeks/months later.

5. They did that one nice thing for me though.

It is really easy to think that you aren’t trying to change someone else or that they are willingly changing for the better, but here is where we take the wrong step. They may be changing, or they may not. They may be trying to be a better person, or they may not. Either way, why are you letting them drag you down as they do.

Yes people can change. I’m not here to make you lose faith in humanity, but people don’t change unless they want to and sometimes YOU NEED TO LET THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE WHILE THEY CHANGE.

Maybe they come back into your life after. Maybe you both find other people that are better for you both, but at the end of the day, you need to leave situations that are bad for you. No matter how much good someone or something adds to your life, it does not excuse all the hurt they add in your life. Nobody deserves mental abuse and nobody needs to go through it in hopes that someday the other person will treat you better.

I have had several friendships growing up that I realized were not productive. The so called friend would bring me down even without me knowing they were. I would excuse their actions thinking about the good things they did, but why didn’t I ever make excuses for myself. Why didn’t I think: ‘No, Lish, you don’t have to go to their house today because they weren’t nice to you.’ or ‘No, you don’t have to be the one to always patch up after an argument.’

As I got older and life naturally took us in different directions, I got the space I needed to understand how bad certain people were for me. And over the years, I kept my distance.

Some of these friends eventually came back into my life and now, being older, our friendship was more mature. They had changed. I had changed. We had our boundaries more firmly set and we became good friends again.

Some of these friends came back and left again because we mutually weren’t right for each other.

The moral is that you don’t have to be with people while they change or pretend to change. You really can let them go and if they are truly meant to be in your life, then after sometime, you might grow back together. If they are still not good for you, then you will have the space and mental clarity to live on with better people in your life.

#life #people #selfhelp