I Finally Disarmed My Self-Destruct Button
I have this tendency to want to just cancel things if I don’t see a way for them to work and they aren’t necessary in my life. This often ends up being things like my birthday parties or trips I want to take with friends or finding places to go.
When I can’t find the who or why or what, sometimes I just go into a spiral of ‘lets just not.’ Now I’m fully aware that you can’t just quit things and I always followed through with what I ultimately wanted (like having the party or going on the trip), but I’d have to go through a circus routine in my head before I did.
Today, as I write this blog, I’m proud to say I finally stopped myself right before falling down this rabbit hole. I was one second away from just suggesting not going on a Spring break trip this year because my friends and I could figure out the who or where. At that point, it felt like everyone already had plans or some actual event to go to and my roommate and I were stuck in a limbo of desire and reality.
Instead of my usual, ‘lets just not,” however, I just stopped myself and said, I want it and I’ll just figure out a solution in a bit. I’m going to let my brain rest rather than jump through mindless hurdles and then decide a plan later.
And let me tell you: IT FELT GOOD.
There was no self-pity. There was no ‘everything sucks’ and ‘the world makes my life harder’ attitude to sift through. There was no ‘I feel lonely’ or ‘why does everyone else have plans?’ I used to be very conscious of the fact that these thoughts were irrational and just not true, but I still went through them all every time.
Today, I just chose to not, and that choice is something I really think I had to learn and grow towards because in the past my mind runs past it forgetting it’s an option, but I feel proud to say that instead of running past it, I finally ran into it. And that’s what it felt like too! I didn’t have a whirlwind in my head. I just had a stop in my thoughts and a nice moment of silence.
A break from the stress and the attitude that I’ll come back to it like a hard math problem that becomes easier the next time you look at it. It took a while, but I finally disarmed my self-destruct button.
Let me know how it felt for you when you finally disarmed your self-destruct button below in the comments. What helped you?
Recent Posts
See AllI remember the stories people like to tell when they see shapes in the stars. I think about how our man-made lights sometimes drown out...
Whenever someone asks me about what music I like, I always say that my only criteria is: it makes me feel something it is fun to sing I...
Just because someone loves you, doesn’t mean their love is right for you. Not all love is good love. This is a tool that I think you...
Comentarios